Like Taking Candy From a Teenager
Halloween means different things to people of different ages. Through the course of your life, you develop from a candy-craving fiend, to a fan of witty costumes and spooky cocktail parties, to a chaperone for your own children or a giver of treats to neighborhood kids.
With Halloween comes the infamous question, “trick or treat?” As a kid, most nights you profess innocence and just look for those-teeth-rotting goodies (hopefully no butterscotch or Twizzlers). However, one Halloween while out trick-or-treating with some friends, my night of treats was forced to turn to mischief. It was the only way for my friends and me to exact revenge on that spooky evening.
The act that would spur on this mission was one of betrayal and greed by our fellow trick-or-treaters. We are all aware of how the trick-or-treating process works: you either leave the lights off on your porch if you are not participating, or answer the door and compliment the kids who come a-knocking if you are. (Every kid must be wearing a costume - sweatshirts and mittens do not count).
However, some people choose the often manipulated third option: “please take ONE candy from the bowl.” These helpless houses believe that all kids were instilled with the good values to honor a paper sign and leave a mechanical hand to spook those who don’t away. Some children, as my friends and I discovered that night, do not honor the lawful pen and paper.
As my friends and I went from door to door, we found a number of bowls as empty as our pillowcases. This particular neighborhood was obviously full of miscreants and families who chose, possibly rightfully so, to not answer their door every 35 seconds. Our group, disappointed with our measly portions and discouraged that our dentists would probably commend our great flossing, began to head home.
It was during our retreat that we noticed three teenagers running from house to house, emptying bowl after bowl full of candy into pillowcases as large as boulders. We tried to cut them off to at least get a singular Hershey bar, but our little legs would only allow us Mounds, no almonds and no joy that night.
It was at this moment that we decided to take action. We high-tailed it back to my friend’s house and concocted a rather sinister plan. We grabbed some face paint, cut holes in a sheet, filled a bowl with fake blood, the leftovers from dinner, and any other liquids we could find, and then neatly topped it all with our few candy pieces. Our plan was perfect and I, as the largest of us all, sat cross-legged on the front porch of the house holding our “take one…if you dare” bowl. I was disguised as a ghost of Halloweens past, waiting for those teen devils to dare take our candy.
As the teenagers came closer and closer, I heard them commending each other on what a great evening they’d had, mocking the night that we young kids held dear. I sat patiently, waiting for the signal (a “hoot hoot” from my friend in the bushes). As the teens came onto the porch and reached for the bowl in my lap, celebrating their newest “score,” I heard the signal and – BOO! – I shot up from my phantom form and doused them with our toxic potion. The boys were stunned and scared and quickly retreated, dropping one of their sacks. My friends sprinted from the bushes, scooped it up, and pulled me safely indoors!
Success! We feasted like kings on peanut butter cups, tootsie rolls, and the sourest of candies. We had won, vanquished our foes, and reaped the sweet, sweet rewards. Sometimes the best treat is actually a trick.